i am so weak.
i never have enough of crying.
i hate pretending that i'm happy.
everytime qing asks me "why am i always showing him a black face ?''
what can i answer him ?
i will just say ''nothing.''
because i really don't wanna talk about it.
i want my happiness.
i search for comfort.
i run far and wide,
and keep ending up into the same deep dark hole just like before.


i know he's trying to stabilize he's job,
but does that mean,
not even a text message from him the whole day till i text him.
he can just simply reply ''i'm busy.''
it just goes to show how important i am to him.
i don't talk to he's friends.
why ? 'because i always don't get what they are talking about.
i have to figure everything by myself about what the heck they are talking.

i hate it when i'm crying, i'll have to laugh after that.

because i don't want my friends to be worried.
i hate it when he shows attitude when he's the unreasonable one.
i hate it when i talk to qing,
and he can't even be bothered to answer me.
i hate it when he plays he's psp.
i hate myself.


everything he does is right and everything i do is wrong !
even when i try to do things just to please him.
i get nothing out of it.

whatever i do, i place him first.
i have a hundred mixed emotions in me,
i don't know how to put them in words.
i'm sucha heartless bitch.


i've tried to tolerate everything bad about him,
but i realised that if i continue tolerating,
i'll be at the losing end.
i have been asking myself,
AM I REALLY HAPPY BEING WITH HIM ?
gosh, no one knows how many tears i've cried.


i came back to his house today,
even though he said i could go home and give this relationsip US some serious thots.
i missed my baby,
heres a picture of her, to cheer myself up. ;)

Let's Love.